Wednesday, January 27th, 2010 | Author:

When I was a teenager  (back in the dark ages before computers, when all we had were manual typewriters) I made a little binder of poems I liked.  I would  illustrate each page with photos cut out of magazines – the original cut and paste.

I was reminded of one of those poems this week, so I dug the binder out and took a photo of it.  (I apologize that it has no author, but I never knew who wrote it.  If someone does know, please leave a comment and let me know.)

As a nod to older eyes like mine, I’ve typed the text below the photo.

The Last Generation

I was alone, not physically but mentally
I searched, and found nothing
I loved, but it didn’t encompass
I lied, by building false barriers
I hoped, but what did it gain?
I believed, and was disappointed
I reached, but was rejected
I thought, but thoughts were muddled
I looked, but couldn’t see
I touched, and friendship disintegrated
I wanted, but couldn’t have
I prayed, but God just ignored
I wondered, but was rudely mocked
I cursed, but only felt guilty
I unbent, and got hurt
I whispered, and was not heard
I talked, but nobody would listen
I listened, but nobody talks
I asked, and was turned down
I gave, but nobody paid attention
I hurt, but nothing can heal
I questioned, but got no answers
I begged, and had to crawl
I laughed, and hid my tears
I cried, and was destroyed
I hated, but got nowhere
I felt, and cursed the pain
I accepted, but was rejected
I called, but was not answered
I held, but couldn’t cling
I walked, but couldn’t travel
I groped, but couldn’t find my way
I fought, but couldn’t win
I turned, and you were gone
I watched, but couldn’t accept
I lingered, but couldn’t remain
I stated, but couldn’t convince
I ran, but couldn’t get away
I destroyed, and there is only loneliness
I can’t, and my sanity is gone
I killed, and ruined my commitment

Cheery little ditty, eh?  Lest you think my teenage years were completely horrible, let me assure you that most of the pages in the binder actually were quite cheery.  But The Last Generation was definitely included … in the binder and in my life.

In point of fact, throughout most of my adult life that angst was present in one fashion or another.  No matter what I did or how hard I tried, I never felt like I quite fit.  There was a hole inside me that never quite got filled.  I was often out of step with the rest of the world, wondering just what my problem was.  It took thirty-nine years before someone helped me figure it out.

I heard a song on the radio in the car this week. (I’ve put the video at the end of this post.  It’s a great song.)  The beginning lyrics were what caught my attention, reminded me of  The Last Generation, and prompted this post:

There was a time I was dead inside.
You’d call my name and I’d try to hide.
My heart was dark and so full of shame,
Full of shame.
But like the dawning of a brand new day
Your love has chased my shame away.
How amazing, now I hear You singing over me!
Over me!

Loudly, I sing
Loudly, I live
Giving You all I have to give,
Until the world knows the Love that’s made me so alive
I’m alive, I’m alive!

The King of Kings.  The Bread of Life.  The Good Shepherd.  The Rock.  The Horn of Salvation.  The Light of the World.  The Mediator.  The Prince of Life. Jesus the Christ.  The missing component in my life.

If you feel dead inside; if you think your life just isn’t on the right track and you feel incomplete – then you probably are on the wrong track and incomplete.  I encourage you to turn to Jesus and invite Him into your heart to be your Lord and Savior.  There’s really no other answer that will fill that hole.  Choose Jesus, and find out what life is really all about.

For since by a man came death, by a man also came the resurrection of the dead. For as in Adam all die, so also in Christ all will be made alive. (1 Corinthians 15:21-22)

And you were dead in your trespasses and sins, in which you formerly walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, of the spirit that is now working in the sons of disobedience. Among them we too all formerly lived in the lusts of our flesh, indulging the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, even as the rest. But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), (Ephesians 2:1-5)

When you were dead in your transgressions and the uncircumcision of your flesh, He made you alive together with Him, having forgiven us all our transgressions, having canceled out the certificate of debt consisting of decrees against us, which was hostile to us; and He has taken it out of the way, having nailed it to the cross. (Colossians 2:13-14)

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9 Responses
  1. Lisa says:

    Your post is what I needed to hear this morning. My heart is so heavy and this post lifted some of the gloom. Thank you friend!

  2. akagaga says:

    I think maybe God arranged it just for you, Lisa. He does things like that, ya’know. :)

  3. Rebecca says:

    Hope does not disappoint. :)

  4. Jim Wetzel says:

    I googled the first three lines of the poem, thinking I might find the author. (You probably did that already.) While Google found your post immediately, I didn’t find anything else that was relevant.

    I’m not sure we’re meant to be perpetually cheery. Filled with joy, yes … but joy differs from cheeriness, and isn’t always manifested in the same way. Or so it seems to me.

    Touching post!

  5. akagaga says:

    I googled the first three lines of the poem As Eeyore would say, “Thanks for trying.” :)

    You’re right about joy and cheeriness being two different things, but it’s one of those things that’s hard to explain. Do I detect another WFW post in your future?

  6. Hmmm…. I know I left a comment… maybe I accidentally deleted it! Oops.

    Anyway, I know that I can absolutely identify with your post! Looking back at my old life is now like watching a faded movie reel or looking at artifacts behind glass. Words elude me when I try to describe just what Jesus did in me. All I know is that everything has changed!

    I am reminded of a song by Casting Crowns called “All Because of Jesus.”

    It’s all because of Jesus I’m alive
    It’s all because the blood of Jesus Christ
    Covers me and raised this dead man’s life
    It’s all because of Jesus I’m alive, I’m alive, I’m alive!

    Every sunrise sings Your praise
    The universe cries out Your praise
    I’m singing freedom all my days
    Now that I’m alive!

    Uhoh, I thought of another song!! Now That You’re Near, Hillsong:

    Now that You’re near
    Everything is different,
    Everything’s so different, Lord
    And I know I’m not the same
    My life You’ve changed
    And I want to be with You, I want to be with You!

    Awesome post; thanks for the great reminder!

  7. Lol; now I see my comment :D :D:D:D Why do I do this to myself? At least I can laugh at it…

  8. akagaga says:

    Ah, Alice. You’ve given me more songs to check out. Thanks!

  9. akagaga says:

    @Alice Hmmm…. I know I left a comment… maybe I accidentally deleted it! Oops.

    You didn’t delete it. I just found it in my “pending” comments. Don’t know how it got there, or why it didn’t publish as normal, but you basically redid it already (bless your little heart!) so I won’t publish it again.

    Just wanted you to know you weren’t losing your mind. :)