Rep. Bart Stupak (D.-Mich.) told CNSNews.com that President Barack Obama told him in a telephone conversation that when he said in his Sept. 9 speech to a joint session of Congress that “under our plan no federal dollars will be used to fund abortions” he was not talking about the actual bill drafted in the House but about the president’s own health care plan—which has never been written.

“I don’t know if it is a game of semantics or what,” Stupak said of Obama’s nationally televised declaration to Congress that the health-care plan will not allow federal funding of abortion.

Both the House and Senate versions of the health-care bill permit federal funds to pay for insurance plans that cover abortions.

As I haven’t had time to keep Obama’s dictionary up to date (dodging through all the smoke & mirrors is a dangerous and time-consuming process) I’ve decided to finish it right here and now. I think these two last entries should cover just about anything the man might say.

Entry #8: no = yes

Entry #9:  yes = no

So it’s a major change of attitude for me to admit that Obama has spoken the truth about something. But the truth is the truth, and I cannot deny it, so here is the breaking news from the president’s amazing news conference:

1. Citing a guilty conscience, today President Obama has confessed that he is not really a natural-born citizen, and therefore is not constitutionally eligible to be president. He is going to step down in favor of Joe Biden.
2. He also confessed that he now realizes that aborted fetuses are really tiny, helpless people that deserve the protection of the law. As a result, he is going to devote his upcoming free schedule to a new pro-life movement.
3. In another stunning statement, he has admitted that “change” was just a campaign slogan, and he has really just been the front man for the Bilderburg group.

In all fairness, I do need to point out that today is April 1st, and I’ve also been seeing flying pink elephants.

Before I get to that, though, I just want to state that I’m 100% against federal funding of stem cell research. Then again, I’m 100% against federal funding of any research. But onward.

Before signing the death warrant, the messiah declared:

Many thoughtful and decent people are conflicted about, or strongly oppose, this research. I understand their concerns, and we must respect their point of view.

Isn’t that nice? What a nice, understanding man. But I didn’t quite understand how respecting someone’s point of view meant forcing them to violate that view, so obviously a new definition was required:

Entry #6:

respect = you vill pay to do it my way

Then he continued: [emphasis added]

… The majority of Americans – from across the political spectrum, and of all backgrounds and beliefs – have come to a consensus that we should pursue this research.

… [to] ensure that scientific data is never distorted or concealed to serve a political agenda – and that we make scientific decisions based on facts, not ideology.

Ultimately, I cannot guarantee that we will find the treatments and cures we seek. No President can promise that. But I can promise that we will seek them – actively, responsibly, and with the urgency required to make up for lost ground. Not just by opening up this new frontier of research today, but by supporting promising research of all kinds, including groundbreaking work to convert ordinary human cells into ones that resemble embryonic stem cells.

No judgment calls allowed here. No moral dilemmas. This is all “scientific fact.” But what’s this?

And we will ensure that our government never opens the door to the use of cloning for human reproduction. It is dangerous, profoundly wrong, and has no place in our society, or any society.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think this statement is based on scientific fact. In fact, it sounds a lot like … well … ideology … or a moral judgment … or at the very least, a political decision that the people haven’t been sufficiently brainwashed to swallow this one yet.

Entry #7:

scientific facts = my political agenda

Give the messiah points for multitasking, though. In just one speech, he covered both of these bases:

Perhaps a little Canadian common sense will be transferred to President Rainbow Brite, but the possibility seems awfully remote. It’s hard to reconcile “more effort on diplomacy” with “17,000 more U.S. troops,” unless “diplomacy” is formally redefined as do what we say or we’ll kill you. Maybe that’s some of the coercive diplomacy that The Hillary seems to get so excited about. Sounds to me as if President Rainbow Brite plans to go on channeling Lyndon Baines Johnson. Great.

With my work done for me, (thanks, Jim!) I present:

Entry #5:

diplomacy = do what we say or we’ll kill you

Sunlight Before Signing: Too often bills are rushed through Congress and to the president before the public has the opportunity to review them. As president, Obama will not sign any non-emergency bill without giving the American public an opportunity to review and comment on the White House website for five days.

Now, they are claiming this is an emergency spending stimulus bill. However, I believe this bill could wait FIVE DAYS for the public to attempt to read the plan.

I thought this was worthy of the dictionary.

Entry #4:

non-emergency = emergency

Alas, a recent court case has revealed that Obama has adopted the Bush position that this procedure involves “state secrets” that would jeopardize our country (or the hacks that run it?) if revealed.

Entry #3:

transparency = none of your business

Now we hear that he’s considering moving the nation’s nuclear laboratories out of the Department of Energy … and into the Department of Defense. Could this be a sap for the generals who are trying to undermine a withdrawal from Iraq?

The plot thickens.

Entry #2:

nuclear power plants = nuclear weapons

The Obama administration fell in line with the Bush administration Thursday when it urged a federal judge to set aside a ruling in a closely watched spy case weighing whether a U.S. president may bypass Congress and establish a program of eavesdropping on Americans without warrants.

So it occurs to me that, even though this is well-past 1984, perhaps we need a new Obama Dictionary, just so we can all keep up.

Entry #1:

change = stay the course